Monday, January 25, 2010

More Than a Mom

The memory of my life before motherhood is fading fast. It's funny oldest child isn't even two years old yet and I already have trouble remembering the person I used to be. Of course that might have something to do with the fact that I am totally sleep deprived ;)

I have always wanted to be a mother. Probably because my own mother made it look so easy. I am the second oldest of five (that's right folks FIVE...1-2-3-4-5) children. Looking back now I have no idea how my mother was able to do what she did. Not only was she a stay at home mom for many years, but she was able to home school my older brother and I until I was in the fifth grade. Then she became a single mother and somehow managed to go work full time and go to school at night. I don’t know how she managed to survive on so little sleep, but she is my inspiration on the days when coffee isn’t enough to wake me.

I feel so lucky to be able to stay at home with my kids. At times I miss my old job, my old co-workers, making my own money....but nothing compares to hearing your little one say "I love you for the first time". Nothing compares to being there for every milestone. For better or worse I love the life I am blessed to live.

To be honest I do hope that some day I will reclaim some of the person I used to be. I used to be backup singer for a blues band. I used to be the manager of a busy department for a wholesale mortgage lender. I used to wear makeup on a daily basis. I used to have time to hang out with my friends. My night used to start after 8pm on the weekend. Now I am a mother. I sing nursery rhymes. I manage laundry, dishes, and tantrums. I wear spit-up on a regular basis. I am lucky to have time to shower let alone hang out ;)

I’m not going to lie. My life now is far more difficult than it was before I became a mother, but it is also far more rewarding. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.